RYLIE ALANA CLARK
The moment I found out I was pregnant I knew my life would never be the same. I was told from early on that my chances of becoming pregnant were slim to none. Praise God that he is sovereign and made it happen in his perfect timing. To be completely honest, I was not like all those women who enjoy being pregnant. I felt sick to my stomach a lot of the time. This mama rarely had that “pregnancy glow” everyone talks about. However, I did my best to enjoy all the beautiful messy stages of being pregnant. I really enjoyed reading about how my baby was developing in the womb and seeing my belly grow. I also loved announcing the gender by surprising the grandparents over a Mexican dinner and my first baby shower was everything I dreamed of. I was overwhelmed with all of the love poured onto me. Despite my insecurities of stepping into Motherhood, it gave me strength to know that I was created for such a purpose. I just knew my belly was getting bigger and that I was about to embark on something great although, I never felt those “mommy instincts”. When I would go to my prenatal check ups I would always leave overjoyed because talking about my pregnancy to the nurses and Doctors made everything more real to me. The closer I got to the end the more “Mama” I felt.
When I found out I was having a girl I knew exactly what I wanted to name her. I love the name Rylie and decided to spell it with an Ry like her father. Her middle name was chosen because my parents were going to name me Alana and so I wanted my daughter to have it. Rylie was breech at 35 weeks and my Doctor said I was not a good candidate for an External Cephalic Aversion (fancy word for turning breech baby) because she was too big. My anticipation for giving birth naturally faded away as I began to process and accept the fact that I would have to have a csection. My surgery went really well and Rylie was in my arms in a matter of minutes. Recovery was very rough but, on the bright side I was able to dive right into motherhood like I had been doing it for years. It all became so natural to me which I was not expecting. I knew exactly what Rylie’s needs were from the very beginning and it felt like I had some kind of mama magic. It was then that I realized I needed to be a new kind of strong for Rylie and that God was using her to strengthen me.
Becoming a mother has given me a great deal of confidence. Everyday, I wake up to her sweet face and I cannot help but smile about God’s glory and grace over my life. She is a part of God’s perfect plan in strengthening my faith. I love that she loves me and needs me just as much as I love her and need her. Since the moment Rylie entered my life, I have lived in the moment and not tried to control it. The fact that she requires so much of me right now, leaves very little room for me to dwell in my past or fear the future to come. Her life forces me to live in the now because I am responsible for her. Even in my toughest hours, when my mind runs wild and I can’t seem to shake the weariness. God uses Rylie to put me back in the place I ought to be which is, here in the present trusting my father in heaven who would never leave or forsake me.
I LOVE MY BABY GIRL.